Did you know there is a $100 cover charge to get into Target? Yep. Sure is. It's automatically deducted from your account as you walk through the front doors-that's what those things disguised as anti-theft devices really are-automatic debiting machines. ADM's-the opposite of an ATM. Anyway, once they take the required $100 out of your bank account, you are allowed to choose $100 or more in merchandise, and they'll bill you the difference at the checkout. And how could you not find at least $100 in stuff you need to buy at Target? Impossible!
For example, today I went after lunch, with a baby and a 3-year-old in tow. The purpose of the trip was to buy a digital clock, and the pre-determined budget was $15. But then we walked in the door. ZAP! $100, just gone. Might as well just get our money's worth, right? The first stop is that darn dollar section, that they strategically place at the front of the store so you are immediately sucked in. And of course, they have more Sesame Street crap in that section than they do anywhere else-and of course it's all piled in the bottom two bins-right at the kids' eye level. Of course, a tantrum will absolutely ensue if I try to pry these new treasures from the kid's hands, so after a few minutes, I tell him to choose one thing, and he can only have it if he cooperates the rest of the trip. Phew, we're off to a great start! Yippee!
We're trucking down the aisle toward the home decor where we might find a clock, but I'm distracted. The kids' summer shorts & t-shirts were on sale 5 for $20-what a deal! I'll take 5 for the kid, and 5 more for baby! But wait-look-some of the same set of shorts & shirts are on clearance. For $2.50! Can't pass that up! I'll take 4 more! Ooooh look! There is an endcap in the baby section with all kinds of online only stuff on it-all greatly discounted! A designer nursing cover-originally $42.99 marked down to $9, Trumpette socks for $3.24, and wow, Pampers in an economy sized box for $18.98! I'll take them alllllll! Then I remembered that we use cloth diapers, so we don't really buy disposables. Dilema. Oh! Bingo! I have so many friends having babies, I might as well get some of these gems as gifts!
Moving on now, just need to get some Raid to take care of a small invasion of ants after the heavy rains we've recently had. Chugging back to the garden section, and we see all the kids' gardening stuff. And it's so cute. Little monkeys and faces and gloves and kneeling pads and rakes and shovels and squeeeee! I let the kiddo pick 2 things. But he wants a shovel and a pair of gloves. He must have the little rake to match, right? Toss it in the cart, why not, they're only $2.50 each. Oh yeah, Raid. Chug, chug. Found it, and it costs $2.24. Not bad! But I'd rather have the all natural stuff since we have kids and pets, but it's $7. Well, it's still a better choice for my family, sigh. It's on the top shelf, which means it's a premium product, right?
Time to get out of here before we buy anything else! Wait, what did we come in here for again? A clock! We're getting that and then leaving, really! We find just the right clock for my little guy's room, and we're heading to the checkout, but on the way we are again sucked in by one of those clearance end caps, this time in the home decor section. And, being a designer at heart, I can't resist the opportunity to "just look" at new pillows, placemats, sheets, kitchen towels, candleholders, ooooh dear. Quandry. I really have been meaning to replace our dishrags, and here are a bunch of the nice thick ones. And they're on clearance. But I talk myself out of it, I don't really need them, and I shouldn't spend the extra money right now. Except they match my kitchen colors, so I must have them, it's meant to be! Into the cart they go. But wait-do I need the coordinating hand towels too? I have enough right now, but they won't match the new dishrags exactly. And I probably won't be able to find matching hand towels when I do need them, so I should get the set now, right? Oh look! A matching pot holder! Ok. Enough, to the checkout we are going, with our blinders on. Here we go, chug, chug, chug.
Almost there, and then I see it. A gleaming wall of glass with brightly colored labels. With the big red numbers up on top of the display. It's wine. Organized by varietal, and color coordinated with each other. A new brand, I've looked at buying before but never tried, because it costs just a little more than I'd usually spend. But today, it's on a mega sale, so either it's really good, or really bad? But how would one know unless one samples it? I'll get a bottle to try tonight with the hubster since it's a good deal, he'll like that little surprise after the kids are in bed. And a second bottle for our girls' night in on Thursday, because I have to bring wine anyway. This just saves me a trip to the store later this week. Chug, chug, chug to the checkout.
We unload the cart, present the reusable bags for our five cent discount per bag, and ask for gift receipts for the baby items. I look at all the goodies on the conveyor belt, and mentally try to add/justify everything on it. Surely it can't be more than what, $65? The cashier finishes scanning our loot, and says, "132.74, will that be on your Target Red Card today?" I look back at her, or more specifically at her outline, because I'm dizzy from stickershock, and I have no idea how I could possibly have spent this much in just 35 minutes. I pull out the beloved Red Card and run it, which does save me 5%, so it helps, but still puts me at $124 after tax. And I think to myself, "Hey! You're only $24 over the usual! Not bad." And that is the story of Target and the $100 cover charge.
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